A reader made the observation Thais don’t care for steaming hot showers, so I’ve updated the Shower Time page with an explanation for this - also below…

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

Most of the boys come from homes that do not have a hot water heater in the shower. In fact, many homes in Thailand don’t even have showers. A common method of bathing is to bail water from a large tub and pour it over the body. One can assume the tub of water is topped off after bathing, so it’s at room temperature by the next round of baths.

In apartment buildings, and many homes, water is usually supplied from one or more holding tanks located on the roof. The afternoon sun warms the water in these tanks, making it more comfortable during the winter months, but possibly very hot in summer time. Even though the boys may have a shower nozzle in the bathroom, it’s not uncommon to see that same big tub of water, which is also used to rinse out the squat toilet. Again, that big tub of water sets all day and turns to room temperature.

I watched a woman bathe here infant child from a garden hose in Soi Twilight one time. The child didn’t flinch one bit when she turned the hose on him.

Most of the bar boys come from rural Thailand where, to a large extent, bathing is at its most primitive, so it’s no surprise they prefer a cooler temperature when bathing. I do know one boy that prefers steaming hot showers, but he’s an exception. While most may be used to cold water bathing, they do enjoy every opportunity to shower with a water heater. Even so, the majority just want the water warmed slightly. One boy told me he prefers his showers warm, but not hot, as the higher temperatures tend to dry his smooth skin and make it rough. I suspect he’s not alone in this thinking, as Thais go out of their way to protect and maintain their silky smooth skin.

We should also remind ourselves the temperatures in Thailand are quite hot and humid most of the year. So it should be no surprise the boys prefer a cool refreshing shower a couple of times a day. Over time, even I have developed a preference for the cooler showers, except during the winter months.

I thought it might be a good time to say something again about the civil unrest going on here in Bangkok. First off, I don’t know anything more than most, as my only source of information is the news services.

As far as what the environment is like, one wouldn’t know anything is going on unless he ventured into certain pockets of the city, and the airports of course.

The whole thing looks to me like a big Mexican standoff. The police don’t want to take any serious action, probably due to the bad press they got for blowing a guys leg of with a tear gas container early in the game. I suspect the military doesn’t want to get involved, as it would only fuel rumors of another coup. Nobody wants to detain the PAD leaders for fear it would cause things to dramatically escalate. So the whole thing appears to be a massive demonstration of typical Thai tolerance. It kind of reminds me of two school kids puffing chests on the playground, neither willing to strike the first blow for fear of the consequences.

By my observations, most of the real violent acts, aimed at someone other than those fighting with each other, have been more of a news grabbing scare tactic than anything. The only serious incident that comes to mind was the marketplace bombing, and I’m not sure anyone can legitimately say which side was responsible for it. I’m not trying to play down the violence, but it just doesn’t seem like anyone is really trying to do a lot of physical harm in all of this.

Under the current state of affairs, if a coup was to take place, and I’m not taking a position in favor or against, it would probably play out much like the one two years ago. In which case, you wouldn’t even know it was going on from most vantage points in the city. Of course, a shift in military leadership could change things, but that isn’t the situation, at least for the moment.

My gut tells me this whole thing is going to come to a head fairly soon, but possibly not until we are past the 5th of December national celebrations. Of course, I doubt it’s lost on anyone the timing of all the transportation shutdowns so close to next week’s important festivities. How this will play out is anyone’s guess, and a subject for speculation by many on the forums. I’ve watched these self appointed pundits spew their opinions of other things in the past, only to find they were completely wrong. So I don’t put much stake in anything said there.

It’s blatantly obvious the airports and railway situation is intended to create a financial squeeze. The purpose of which is to force a resolution to this face-off. While it is a huge imposition for travelers, and will certainly have a long-term impact on tourism, I really don’t think travelers are at risk of anything more than frustration and inconvenience.

Many believe the handling of the airports situation will be a determining factor in how all of this shakes out, and I’m inclined to agree. For the moment, it’s a wait and see, but I wouldn’t be canceling my reservations just yet.

More Photos at Yahoo News

UPDATE

An RQD Reader comments, “I am just wondering why you turned comments off on your post about the airport.  I would like to know what your other people who live in Thailand that read your blog think.  I just cancelled my second trip to LOS and I don’t feel foolish doing that but I would like to know what others think.”

Both of my posts about the unrest have had comments turned off.  I debated long and hard about this, but in the end I don’t want these posts to be a platform for discussing the sensitive topics of Thai politics and/or government policy.  Its outside my comfort zone.

If you want to get an idea what others think about their safety in Thailand, read the comments posted in this Bangkok Post article…

Thailand on ‘most dangerous’ list for travellers 

You may remember my story about what Thais say when someone is in too much of a hurry - It’s like the man whose water buffalo has been stolen and he’s chasing after it.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

The other day I was out running some errands with my friend Ton, and he was walking way too fast for me to keep up. So I decided to teasingly use the water buffalo thing on him. I asked Ton if his buffalo had been stolen, because he is walking so fast.

Well, I was abruptly told that saying this to other Thais is ill advised. Unless they are a good friend, and know I’m just teasing, it would be taken as exceedingly rude. I was pleasantly surprised by his polite yet stern warning, as it’s a sign he’s finally loosening up on the Kreng Jai.

Getting the boys to tell you when you’ve done something wrong is often as difficult as pulling teeth. So I tried a little experiment with Ton and it seems to have worked. I took the time to explain HOW he can push back or correct me in ways that will not be offensive. Thus, in addition to asking he stop with the Kreng Jai, I’ve also given him the tools he needs to comfortably circumvent what comes naturally.

What I told him specifically is not relevant, as each individual will have his own set of hot buttons that need to be avoided. In addition, each boy is different with his ability to communicate in English, so you have to give him something he can work with.

An interesting point I picked up from one of the documents I link to below, is the better you know a person, the less he or she is likely to Kreng Jai you. Much of its application has to do with “when in doubt do it”. In other words, if a person does not know how you will react to something he/she will opt for Kreng Jai in that situation. So what I did with Ton made things more predictable for him, and he loosened up on the Kreng Jai.

Based on how this played out with Ton, I’d suggest the following…

Do not introduce this too quickly with a boy. First he needs to be told you don’t want him to Kreng Jai you and he needs to understand we westerners have nothing like it in our culture. This begins to set the foundation, and explains why we can be so candid with our words. The boy also needs to be told that while his intent is to avoid causing offence, his lack of candor can often have the opposite result. He will continue to Kreng Jai you, and each time you spot it remind him of your wishes. Watch for that point when he reaches a level of frustration that becomes visible, and then give him the tools to release on you.

What is Kreng Jai?
It’s a difficult question to answer, but here are a few links that might begin to give you an idea.

Communication across cultures
Soi Dogs - Kreng Jai
Promises, promises and Kreng Jai
Kreng Jai in the Workplace
Thaizer - Kreng Jai
GGrass - My attempt on the word, Kreng Jai

I’ve got another post ready to go, but first wanted to make this correction. Last night I decided to ask another boy about the “I’m not busy” thing, because the more I thought about this, the less it sounded correct. The boy I asked is a good friend of the two that originally shared this with me, and he was made aware of why it came up.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

When I ran this by him, he said it had nothing to do with telling the waiter how you want the drinks poured. He went on to explain that saying “I’m not busy” to a waiter means you want to pour your own drinks. Well, the light bulbs immediately went off, as I suddenly realized how badly I’d misinterpreted what the two were trying to say.

It originally came up in conversation, because I wanted the boys to deal with this problem the “Thai way”, and that’s exactly what they were suggesting. It’s a classic case of listening with a western mindset while talking to boys who posses limited English skills. I completely overlooked the fact this was Kreng Jai at its best, which coincidently happens to be the subject of my next post, so it kind of follows nicely.

The Thai way of dealing with a situation such as this is to avoid confrontation. Thus, rather than saying anything to the waiter about his wrong doing, one simply declares, “I’m not busy tonight, AND will pour my own drinks thank you.” Doing so avoids telling the waiter he’s done anything wrong, and ensures the drinks will be poured to our liking. The practice of Kreng Jai often means taking on a burden if it will avoid hurting someone’s feelings.

So what started out as an anecdotal tidbit ends up being a good lesson in Thai culture, and for that I have no regrets…only frustration.

Here’s another one of those interesting little tidbits I learned from the boys the other night.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

When the boys and I go out for a night of drinking, we typically start the evening at about 8 and finish around 3 in the morning. More often than not, we’ll start with dinner and a bottle of whiskey in Silom Soi 4. Around 11 the group moves to Soi Twilight where we tap another bottle.

The waiter that usually takes care of us in Soi 4 has this bad habit of pouring heavy, not a good thing if you want to go the distance. Despite being told repeatedly to pour light drinks, this guy has to be reminded each time we go out.

I was expressing my frustration over this with the boys, hoping they would figure out a way to deal with it the “Thai way”, so I wouldn’t have to risk offending the guy. From this the boys shared with me the way Thais communicate, to the one serving, how strong they want their drinks.

They said if you want weaker drinks tell the server you are “not busy”, the implication being you have plenty of time and there is no rush to get a buzz on. Of course, if you are getting started late, and want to get caught up with the rest of crowd, you’d tell the waiter you are “busy”.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

This is my second or third attempt at explaining Thai sexuality, and I think I’ve got it pretty much nailed this time. It is important to understand, because Thais do not look at sex and sexuality the same way we westerners do. Hopefully this new page will put things into perspective.

When reading the boys’ profiles on Gay Romeo, it’s important to recognize they don’t understand a lot of the questions. On top of that, their profile is often created with the help of a well meaning friend. And it’s very common for some items to be filled in based on their understanding of Tinglish rather than English.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

When a boy says he’s in an “open” relationship, it really means he wants to “start” a relationship. To them, open is the same as start. I learned this from an RQD reader.

A lot of boys will indicate they are into fist fucking. The form just says FF, and these boys have no idea what that means. Even if you tell them what it means, most don’t get it until you use some had gestures to explain.

It has been my experience that most boys don’t know what top, bottom, or versatile mean. So I’m a bit surprised most get this one right. Although a lot of the boys will say in their profile they are versatile, and then tell you in chat they are a bottom only. I guess they must be getting help from a friend, because these are definitely not part of most boys’ vocabulary. Money boys will often say they are versatile, or a bottom, because they believe it’s more popular among farang if they are willing to receive. It doesn’t mean they will actually do it.

When a boy answers yes or no to smoking, you don’t know if he’s talking about cigarettes or oral sex. To them, the only word for oral copulation is smoking.

I ran into one guy listing himself as a transsexual, but everything else in his profile, including photos, indicated otherwise. So I asked him if he was a Lady Boy. He told me no and wanted to know why I asked. It took about 5 attempts before I got him to understand his mistake.

For the most part, boys don’t read your profile, because they don’t understand it. I think it’s safe to say most farang do read the boys’ profiles. Over time, we learn to take what they say with a grain of salt, but fail to realize their inaccuracies are not always by intent.

I recently purchased a copy of the book Very Thai, and have added a page with my impressions of the publication, which is touted as a uniquely different kind of Thailand tourist guide.

I was surprised to discover how many don’t know about the McDonald’s McCafe Restaurants, so I thought I’d give them a mention.

First off, these are not unique to Thailand, but have only started popping up here in the past year or so. Many are new, and some are renovated traditional McD’s. The primary intent of these new stores is to compete with Starbucks by adding an upscale coffee shop. But it doesn’t stop there. While I’ve only been in one, my understanding is all of the McCafe stores are bigger and have an upgraded interior. The stores also offer a larger menu selection, and most important, they serve the traditional line of breakfast meals! From what I read, they plan to expand menu offerings in all McDonald’s, but so far I’ve only seen it in the McCafe stores.

Stores with McCafe counters have helped individual McDonald’s increase sales 10-20 percent, so I’m sure we can expect to see more of these in the future. The one I visited is in Silom, directly across the street from Soi 4. I’ve heard the steps outside are a favorite after hours hangout for the lady boys, but I haven’t bothered to confirm this.

I would like to change one thing about my earlier review of McDonald’s. They now have the Double Big Mac, so there is a hamburger at McD’s that you can actually taste the meat.

Photo Courtesy of Private Boy Movie

This new page attempts to identify, in general terms, three different categories of boys. They are based on what I believe are three easy to define social distinctions between boys in Thailand. I hope you find it interesting.